3 reasons why people cheat, according to a relationship therapist


If you are an honest and loyal person yourself, then you have probably wondered why people cheat. Because why would you stay in a relationship with someone if you are sensitive to the charms of another and are not happy in your own relationship?

These are the most common reasons why people cheat.

1. They think the nature of cheating is sexy

Sex and relationships therapist Tammy Nelson tells Well + Good that there are many different reasons why people cheat. Nevertheless, she distinguishes three reasons that often occur. According to Nelson, first of all the forbidden nature of cheating appeals to many people. They even think it’s sexy, she says: “People just like the feeling of doing something wrong,” says Nelson. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that this phenomenon is also referred to as a ‘cheaters high’ . However, the participants in the study only felt good about cheating if they were not caught.

In addition, a study from Texas Tech University shows that the relationship of your parents has a lot of influence on how you are in a relationship. The survey showed that almost half of the respondents who grew up with cheating parents had also cheated on their own.


2. They want to fulfill certain needs

Cheating would also be satisfying for some people. If certain needs are not met in a relationship, there is a chance that people will look for those needs elsewhere (or with someone else). “They want to stay in their marriage and an affair gives them just enough of what they miss in their relationship, so they can still stay with their partner,” said Nelson. According to her, it is therefore important to continue to communicate well with each other about what your needs are for a healthy, monogamous relationship.

In addition, people who feel that they are not getting enough appreciation from their partner are also more sensitive to the attention of others. That has not so much to do with lust, but with emotions. If your partner never gives a compliment, and someone else does, it has more impact.

3. They try to escape from themselves

Although it is often thought that people cheat because they want to be with someone else, according to Nelson, this is precisely not the case. “They don’t want to be with someone else, they want to be someone else. Feeling like a different person. ” In life there are certain roles that we assume. For example, that of mother, father, partner, etc. And sometimes it can be tempting to step out of the role and feel ‘young’ again or not a ‘mother’ or ‘father’ for a while.

In addition, cheaters are often looking for a certain tension to break out of the rut of their relationship. If you live alongside each other and boredom strikes, it is not surprising that you want to change that, but of course it is not the intention to look for this in a lover.

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